Adventure Dog Blog

This entry has been a long time coming. I had never truly experienced the loss of a pet until Mr. Meaty died in April of this year. He was two years old and had been a part of our family since he was three months old. I had left the house, forgetting something and rushing back into the house for only a moment. Mr. Meaty was wiggling like crazy, so excited to see me, and I remember a fleeting thought of what on earth I would do without him.

I received a worried phone call from my daughter saying she had let the dogs outside for a pee, and only Anna had run to the door when she called them back. Our backyard was fenced, but she said that someone had left the gate open. Our landlord had been doing renovations and later we learned that he had left the gate open for a period of time to move a lot of heavy items out of the house.

It was heart breaking to discover that Mr. Meaty had been hit and killed by a car. I still cry when I think of first learning that he was dead.

It’s been quite a few months since that day and there is still a lot of grief in my heart. However, I can look back and see how we worked through our grief, and that it is a healthy process for letting go.

I thought I would write down some of the things that helped me along the way so that anyone else going through grief over a death may get some benefit.

It helped to have someone else take care of the body. I found that I wanted nothing more than to see my baby boy. I wanted to touch him, to pet him, and see him for myself, but my boyfriend knew that this probably wasn’t a healthy idea.

We made funeral arrangements. Some people bury their pets and have a little funeral in their backyard (this is illegal in most places). Others will take their pets to the vet for cremation. We found a little pet cemetary outside the city provided on a chunk of land that was officially deemed a cemetary so that it will never be dug up in the future. They offered both cremation and burial, and we chose to have Mr. Meaty buried. They even offered a funeral service where you can have an open or closed casket and spend time with your pet before they are buried. Mr. Meaty even has a little headstone. Having a funeral really helped me accept that my boy was actually dead.

Seeing the body. I mentioned earlier that I had someone else take care of the body for me immediately after the accident. Later, at the funeral, I decided to look at Mr. Meaty. Some part of me had looked forward to the funeral and seemed to believe it would be like seeing my little boy again. It’s as if I thought he’d be happy and licking me like he used to. I was quite horrified when I did see him, and realized there was nothing left of the Meaty I had known. He was very dead. This is NOT an experience I would recommend for children and I did not let my daughter see him. I don’t even recommend it for myself, as I spent the next hour having a massive panic attack as a result. It was horrifying. However, it was that moment that really slammed home the reality of Meaty’s death. I no longer imagined him running around alone at night in my neighborhood, lonely and looking for home. It helped.

Burying Things With Meaty. We put a little ball curled in Meaty’s paw, a blanket over his back, and a tiny pillow under his head when he was buried. I actually sewed the little pillow myself and embroidered it with his name. It felt good to give him gifts and to have the feeling that he would be comfortable and cared for.

Having Keepsakes. At first, I collected all of Meaty’s things and put them away. Seeing them only served to remind me of him and make me cry. However, I love knowing that I have a little drawer full of his things, and I can look at them whenever I want. It makes me feel that I haven’t forgotten, and that’s important to me. I also have a frame with some photos of Meaty in it hanging on the wall, and I like to look at him there. Remembering him how he used to be, knowing what a silly happy life he had, it helps.

Letting it All Out. During the immediate week after Meaty’s death, I seemed to alternate between endless uncontrollable sobbing, and an empty blank state where I felt almost nothing. Sometimes I would watch television and forget all about what had happened for a few blissful moments. And all of these things are okay. It’s okay to forget for awhile, to have fun again, even to laugh. And it helped a lot to have times when I would just break down and lose control. All of these were part of feeling better and moving forward.

Getting a New Dog. There were times after Meaty’s death when I wanted a new puppy and everyone would tell me that it was too soon. I felt angry, but knew deep down that they were right. Getting a dog too soon would have been upsetting. I would have been trying to replace what I’d lost, and upset when the new puppy didn’t conform. I needed to wait until I was ready to get a brand new dog, with it’s own unique personality and traits. We waited four months for our new puppy. Once he was here, our hearts healed even faster. He was funny, clumsy, and cute. He was our little baby and we loved taking care of him. Some things about him reminded us of our Meaty, and other things were brand new, and that was just fine.

Remembering. Thinking back on Meaty and remembering the good times we had is essential. However, I’ve found that it’s also just as important to remember his death and feel sad. Something about spending a little time sad here and there is just another part of grieving and moving through the process. It doesn’t just stop instantly, or I guess it wouldn’t be called a process would it?

I’m not sure if any of these things are helpful, but this has been my experience with the death of a very beloved pet. I still think about Meaty often and am sad to say that many of my memories have begun to fade. Losing Mr. Meaty is the closest I’ve come to losing a family member and it’s been a terrible part of our lives. I miss Mr. Meaty very much.